After a long offseason, the Birdie is ready to stick to football and Westmoreland County picks

By: The Birdie
Sunday, August 20, 2023 | 9:01 AM

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The Birdie

Last season: 107-29 (78.7%)

His feeble body is healing fine, thanks for asking.

The Birdie, who became bored without football, was roughed up this offseason. There is no way to sugar-coat it.

First, he was thrown off a local basketball team’s charter bus for trying to go to a Penguins game for free.

“Long story,” he said.

When the spring season came around, he was run over by Bacon Burt and Sauerkraut Saul on the warning track at Wild Things Park during a WPIAL baseball championship.

“At least the Pirate Parrot was cool with me,” Birdie said. “Although, having him hand out trophies at the baseball and softball finals was nothing short of awkward. And is there more than one Parrot? There’s only one Birdie. Mmm, pierogies.”

Later in the summer, the Birdie skinned up his chicken legs trying to conquer the giant slide at Mammoth Park.

“Next time, I’m bringing butter,” he said.

And as if that wasn’t enough, he was tackled trying to run on stage during a Taylor Swift concert at Acrisure Stadium.

“Funny, I was able to run on the field when Belle Vernon played dahn err,” he said.

The return of Eat’n Park’s Grilled Stickies allowed him to stress-eat as he recovered from his injuries.

But friends had a message for Westmoreland County’s lovable high school gridiron expert: Stick to football.

Lesson learned.

“Ah, my sweet ham husk, I’ve missed you so,” the Birdie said, rubbing his hands together and striking a Heisman pose in the center of the newsroom as he watches copy editors paginate football tab content. “Another season is upon us and, like Canada, I am fired up. I’m bringing the smoke.”

The Birdie plans to go through football season injury free. He thinks some local teams can go far if they do the same.

“My patience has worn thin with this 7-on-7 stuff,” he said. “I want some real football.

“Enjoy reading your Trib tab on this fine Sunday, my dear readers. Let’s do this!”

Now for his annual preseason predictions:

Belle Vernon

The defending WPIAL and PIAA 3A champions have all the tools necessary to repeat. Look for the passing game to expand and the defense to play fast. The Leps are going to be good with a capital G-O-O-D.

Wins: 11

Derry

A long losing streak will end for the Trojans, but they remain on the mend and need more time to rebuild the program. Injuries cannot happen.

Wins: 2

Franklin Regional

Staying healthy is paramount for the Panthers, who could be decent if they can build a steady front line.

Wins: 6

Greensburg Central Catholic

The skill positions should be effective, but the offensive and defensive lines could be the Centurions’ undoing.

Wins: 5

Greensburg Salem

The Golden Lions face an uphill climb as they embrace a new staff and system.

Wins: 3

Hempfield

New leaders are looking to emerge, but the Spartans have big numbers that they hope translate to depth.

Wins: 3

Jeannette

The Jayhawks will be in a lot of games because of skill, but they will have to make their hay defensively.

Wins: 4

Latrobe

Coaches like to throw the word “culture” around a lot, but Latrobe is actually developing a positive one. The Wildcats love to say, “What about us?”

Wins: 6

Ligonier Valley

The Rams’ running game has some potential, as long as they can find consistent blockers and tacklers.

Wins: 5

Monessen

A steady climb back to respectability is quietly happening here, with plenty of talent back from last season.

Wins: 6

Mt. Pleasant

Looking for one of the strongest teams in the county? The Vikings will push some teams around.

Wins: 5

Norwin

A new coach matches a new offense and defense. The Knights are fast, but are they deep enough to compete for a playoff spot?

Wins: 3

Penn-Trafford

The Warriors will be big and athletic, as usual, but they don’t quite have an identity yet. Give it time.

Wins: 6

Southmoreland

With an air-it-out attack and a complementary running game, the Scotties will be dangerous. There is a caveat: The defense has to play better.

Wins: 6

Yough

The Cougars will have to grind out possessions and cut back on penalties to win more games.

Wins: 3

Tags: Belle Vernon, Derry Area, Franklin Regional, Greensburg C.C., Greensburg Salem, Hempfield, Jeannette, Latrobe, Ligonier Valley, Monessen, Mt. Pleasant, Norwin, Penn-Trafford, Southmoreland, Yough