Birdie hopes he picks Westmoreland County games better than he climbs crates

By: The Birdie
Wednesday, September 1, 2021 | 5:25 PM

Last week: 8-3 (72.7 %)

Now that schools are open again, the Birdie has been visiting local cafeterias.

Why?

(A slice of pizza, some chicken nuggets and a chocolate milk where applicable, yes).

“Milk crates,” he said. “I have been borrowing them by the dozen. I load them into the Chevette, take them home and stack them high in my backyard.”

Again, why?

“There’s this milk-crate challenge thing going on, and you know how I am with challenges,” Birdie said. “Bring it on. Mike Tomlin told me my Week Zero performance ‘wasn’t ready for varsity’ after I grossly underestimated Franklin Regional and Albert Gallatin, so I am motivated.”

Following suit with what has become a sometimes-disturbing and oddly captivating part of the go-viral culture, the Birdie has done many challenges before — and failed at them.

“I got a concussion from the ice bucket challenge when someone replaced the water with rocks,” he said. “The mannequin challenge was fun until I realized I was in my underwear — only my underwear — and at the supermarket, to boot. There I was, frozen among the frozen foods.”

As always with this avian life-form, there’s more.

“The try-not-to-laugh challenge was over quickly when I kept thinking of dudes trying to tackle Devin Whitlock,” he added. “And the bottle-flipping challenge failed miserably when I realized a part-timer replaced my plastic bottle with a glass one.”

Back to those mike crates … and the ensuing chaos they produced.

“It’s all about balance and coordination,” he said. “I stacked them 10 high and about 10 wide. I reached the fourth crate, then the fifth. It was like the medal stand when I ran track in high school. Only I never reached the top there, either. (Crash.)

“I only have to wear this sling for six to eight weeks. Challenge accepted.”

Now on to your feathered favorite’s Week 1 picks — one step at a time.

• Hempfield (1-0) at Penn-Trafford (1-0): The host Warriors love playing at home, and they will show the Spartans why. The big boys up front will clear the running lanes, the defense will get penetration, and the bell will ring in Hempfield’s ears. Penn-Trafford, 38-14

• Latrobe (1-0) at Norwin (0-1): The Birdie loves these all-local matchups like linemen love donuts for Saturday morning film sessions. He thinks Norwin is improved, but so is Latrobe. Don’t sleep on the Wildcats. Latrobe, 23-20

• Connellsville (0-1) at Greensburg Salem (0-1): During his summer walks on the Five Star Trail, the Birdie often passed by Offutt Field and wondered when the Golden Lions would add to their 700-win total. When he glanced at the schedule, he thought this game would give them a good chance. Greensburg Salem, 24-13

• Franklin Regional (1-0) at Kiski Area (1-0): Franklin Regional has a new coach, but the Panthers still play with that familiar edge. Tough linebackers are a tradition in Murrysville and the Panthers will show some to the Cavaliers. Franklin Regional, 28-14

• Belle Vernon (0-0) at Chartiers Valley (1-0): Look for Belle Vernon to score in a number of different ways. Belle Vernon, 42-6

• Mt. Pleasant (1-0) at Derry (0-1): Mt. Pleasant has a quietly solid offense, and Derry’s defense has some youth to it. The Vikings might have to adjust to the grass at Trojan Stadium, but they will grind down the home team. Mt. Pleasant, 36-3

• Yough (0-1) at Ringgold (0-1): Yough has made improvements on both sides of the ball, and there is more potential to be found in that offense. But the Cougars aren’t there yet. Ringgold, 22-12

• Ligonier Valley (1-0) at Elizabeth Forward (1-0): The Birdie thinks Ligonier Valley is going to have a strong season, but having to go to Elizabeth Forward is no favor by the schedule-makers. Elizabeth Forward, 14-13

• Laurel Highlands (1-0) at Southmoreland (1-0): Southmoreland has a dual-threat quarterback, but so does Laurel Highlands, and he’s a good one. The Scotties won’t be able to slow down Rodney Gallagher. They’ll have fun trying, though. Laurel Highlands, 36-26

• Seton LaSalle (0-0) at Greensburg Central Catholic (1-0): There was a time when this would be a marquee matchup, but Seton La Salle has fallen on hard times and is looking to rebuild. GCC, on the other hand, has weapons it hasn’t used yet. Greensburg CC, 21-7

• Sto-Rox (1-0) at Jeannette (0-1): Again, this would have been a dandy had Jeannette’s roster not crumbled in the offseason. Sto-Rox has a high-powered offense and won’t be scared to use it in the Jayhawks’ home opener. Sto-Rox, 56-6

• Imani Christian (0-0) at Monessen (0-1): The Birdie rarely turns to coin flips, but he can’t decide who will win this one. He used his last quarter in a gum-ball machine at Westmoreland Mall, so he asked Mrs. Birdie for some help. She says Greyhounds by a home run. Monessen, 15-14

Tags: Belle Vernon, Chartiers Valley, Connellsville, Derry Area, Elizabeth Forward, Franklin Regional, Greensburg C.C., Greensburg Salem, Hempfield, Imani Christian, Jeannette, Kiski Area, Latrobe, Laurel Highlands, Ligonier Valley, Monessen, Mt. Pleasant, Norwin, Penn-Trafford, Ringgold, Seton La Salle, Southmoreland, Sto-Rox, Yough