Dopey Birdie tries to bounce back from disastrous week of A-K Valley football picks

By: The Birdie
Wednesday, September 4, 2024 | 8:15 PM

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Last week: 3-7

Season: 10-9 (52.6%)

When The Birdie walked into the office Tuesday morning, he carried a crisp piece of paper in his hand — not the wrinkled-up Sheetz foil wrapper he usually takes notes on.

He walked solemnly to the boss’s office and placed the paper on the desk.

It was his letter of resignation.

“Three and seven. Three and seven,” he muttered. “I have disgraced my entire species. I can’t possibly show my beak in another press box after this debacle. I have no choice but to resign in disgrace.”

“Bro,” the boss said, glancing only briefly at the letter. “Two things. One, everybody already thinks you’re a dope. Two, people make bad sports predictions all the time. Just do better next week.”

As The Birdie slinked toward his desk, he mulled over his boss’ words.

“You know? He’s got a point. Mine definitely aren’t the worst sports predictions I’ve ever heard.

“Remember that time in 1993 when Beano Cook said freshman quarterback Ron Powlus would win the Heisman Trophy at least twice at Notre Dame?

“Remember that time in 2007 when Steelers defensive back Anthony Smith guaranteed a win over the undefeated Patriots, and Tom Brady carved him up like a Thanksgiving turkey?

“Remember that time in 2012 when a Philly sports writer tweeted, ‘I think a national TV audience saw Crosby pass the baton to Giroux as the NHL’s best player. #notahomer’?

“Yeah, I’m a dope, but there are bigger dopes out there.”

There are bigger dopes out there. Sounds like a good motto if The Birdie ever runs for office.

In the meantime, he’ll try to redeem himself with his Week 2 picks.

Burrell at Mt. Pleasant: The Bucs have started the season with two tough opponents, and it doesn’t get much easier this week on the road. The Vikings are coming off an upset win over Greensburg Central Catholic in overtime. Mt. Pleasant, 28-21

Deer Lakes at Derry: Here’s one The Birdie is perfectly content with being wrong about last week. What a nice win for the Lancers over South Park. They’re rolling now. Deer Lakes, 34-13

Gateway at Plum: The Mustangs hung in there with Latrobe last week and have some playmakers, but the schedule doesn’t let up. Gateway, 27-20

Greensburg C.C. at Apollo-Ridge: The Vikings built some momentum with a late-game rally last week, but the Centurions should be motivated after an OT loss. Greensburg Central Catholic, 34-27

Hempfield at Kiski Area: The Birdie is 0-2 picking Cavaliers games this season, so take this with a grain of salt. With two good veteran quarterbacks slinging it, this should be a high-scoring affair. Kiski Area, 42-28

Highlands at New Castle: The Red Hurricanes are 2-0 with two 40-point performances, but how could anyone pick against the Golden Rams after that thriller last week? Highlands, 42-41 (OT)

Knoch at Fox Chapel: Another example of The Birdie being happy he botched a prediction last week: the Foxes getting rewarded for their hard work with a dominant win over Baldwin. The Knights, meanwhile, had a nice bounce-back win over North Catholic. Knoch, 21-7

Leechburg at Serra Catholic: The Blue Devils are off to a strong start, but what to make of the Eagles? They’re 0-2 but have faced tough competition. Serra Catholic, 21-20

Quaker Valley at Freeport: After a tough road loss, the Yellowjackets will feast on some home cooking. Freeport, 34-13

Springdale at Avella: A pair of teams trying to find their footing. Avella, 14-13

Valley at Greensburg Salem: The Vikings put a scare into Riverview last week, but the Golden Lions are 2-0 and have looked solid. Greensburg Salem, 26-19

Cornell at Riverview: In this battle of Raiders, Riverview scored an exciting opening win over Valley, but Cornell has tons of momentum coming off two dominant victories. Cornell, 26-14

Tags: Apollo-Ridge, Avella, Burrell, Deer Lakes, Derry Area, Fox Chapel, Freeport, Gateway, Greensburg C.C., Greensburg Salem, Hempfield, Highlands, Kiski Area, Knoch, Leechburg, Mt. Pleasant, New Castle, Plum, Quaker Valley, Serra Catholic, Springdale, Valley