The Birdie has some pet peeves with Westmoreland County football

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Wednesday, August 31, 2022 | 6:35 PM


Last week: 10-0 (100%)

Season: 10-0 (100%)

The Birdie, long in the tooth and the written word, has plenty of pet peeves.

“Mister Perfect” hates Crocs and slides at practice. He doesn’t like it when people wear pajamas to the grocery store.

He frowns when people say, “I’m not going to lie … .”

“So, you’re telling me you’re usually a liar?” he said.

He wishes more people would use turn signals. And he can’t stand it when athletes bite medals.

“That is gross,” he said. “Wear it around your neck, don’t eat the thing. Why don’t you just suck on a quarter? Who started this nonsense?”

Westmoreland County’s high school football expert, who went 10-0 to open the season on a night of lightning strikes and big plays, is known to yell at the clouds and is firm in his judgements. He hates inflation, malicious broadcast links, home jerseys that are not white, 7:30 kickoffs (he’s looking at you, Penn-Trafford and Derry) and cigarette smoke in casinos.

But what really has bothered him lately better fits the purposes of this column.

“It’s these workout videos, guys,” he said. “Do we really need to see you running around cones, deadlifting an ungodly amount of weight or playing pitch-and-catch with someone other than your quarterback?

“You’re supposed to work hard and practice. Do you want video of me washing my car or cutting my grass? Do you need to see how the hot dogs are made? (Mmm, hot dogs).

“Do us all a favor and train in silence. I’ll forgive you this time, like student debt. You need to show me how hard you’ve worked by making plays on Friday nights. Those are the highlights I want to see.”

The Birdie turns up Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much” on his Walkman and struts to the break room for a snack.

Off his soap box (and rocker), the pundit of play-action picks is ready to shed some light on Week 1.

“I did my research on these games behind the scenes,” he said. “No need to show you a clip of me watching game film in my Crocs, kiddos. I didn’t lose last week, did you?”

Friday

Connellsville (1-0) at Hempfield (1-0): After a runaway victory over undermanned Greensburg Salem, Hempfield needs to keep the big plays coming with another fast start to move to 2-0. Hempfield, 23-13

Cornell (0-0) at Monessen (0-1): Cornell is expected to be a contender in Class A. Monessen already has a game under its belt, but the Greyhounds won’t be able to play catch-up. Cornell, 42-28

Derry (0-1) at Greensburg Salem (0-1): If Greensburg Salem is at full strength, the Golden Lions should be able to run the ball against the Trojans. But Derry has to play better up front. Greensburg Salem, 14-7

East Allegheny (1-0) at Jeannette (0-1): Jeannette gets back-to-back home games, but a stingy East Allegheny defense won’t do the Jayhawks any favors. East Allegheny, 20-8

Laurel Highlands (1-0) at Belle Vernon (0-0): Individual star power will be overshadowed by team defensive play from Belle Vernon. Belle Vernon, 21-6

Latrobe (1-0) at Franklin Regional (0-0): Latrobe will jump out to an early lead like it did last year but will see a less-crushing result this time. The Panthers will be slow starting out of the gates. Latrobe, 23-20

Norwin (0-1) at Penn Hills (0-1): Penn Hills has too much speed for Norwin, on both sides of the ball. Penn Hills, 21-7

Ligonier Valley (1-0) at Southmoreland (0-1): Special teams play has been an underrated part of Ligonier Valley’s repertoire, and the Rams will show it on the road in a sneaky-good nonconference clash. Ligonier Valley, 26-21

McKeesport (1-0) at Penn-Trafford (1-0): When these former conference opponents get together, helmets crack and mouthpieces fly. McKeesport will be the enforcer early, but the Warriors will rally. Penn-Trafford, 21-14

Yough (0-1) at Mt. Pleasant (0-1): Mt. Pleasant traded scores with Greensburg Central Catholic last week. Yough won’t be able to do the same. Mt. Pleasant, 35-14

Saturday

Greensburg Central Catholic (1-0) at Bishop Canevin (0-1): A much-anticipated matchup of teams that used to play in the same conference will have its share of highlight plays. But the Crusaders will do more on defense. Bishop Canevin, 20-17

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