The Birdie ponders probing questions, Westmoreland County Week 7 picks

Wednesday, October 12, 2022 | 5:12 PM

Last week: 11-2 (84.6 %)

Season: 66-18 (78.6 %)

Sometimes, on nice fall days, the Birdie escapes to Lynch Field where he sits at a picnic table beneath the Huddie Kaufman Pavilion.

He has a bite to eat — usually a Dairy Queen sundae he eats out of an old Greensburg Salem mini helmet — and ponders the football season.

Westmoreland’s prep pigskin genius asks himself questions. Deep, thought-provoking questions.

“Hmm,” he thinks, as he wads up some Big League Chew, pops it in his cheek and puts the helmet on with ice cream still dripping from it.

“I’m thinking of that naked thinking guy statue,” Birdie said. “One day they will carve up a statue of me. But I will be wearing pants.”

Part-timer: “Or they can just carve you up for wing night.”

Birdie: “Go type something you little flea-flicker.”

After an 11-2 week — Ligonier Valley won, Monessen lost — he is getting more inquisitive.

Here’s what has been on the Birdie’s pea-sized mind lately (for this week, he has questions, not all the answers):

Cue the Saturday Night Live “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey” music …

Is Hempfield that good?

Are the Steelers that bad?

How do you say Abanikanda?

Will Icy Hot on my ears help my picks?

Can a jet sweep be a forward pass?

Do referees check the air in footballs?

What exactly does a “media strategist” do for a high school player?

Why do some schools obsess over 7:30 kickoffs?

If Belle Vernon plays home games at “The Beach,” where do the Leopards go on vacation?

Why is the elevator at Offutt Field always broken?

Why are GCC’s goal posts attached to the soccer nets?

Why can’t Latrobe play at least one game a year at Rossi Field?

Why can’t teams like Norwin stay healthy?

Does Derry’s golf team have more yards than its football team?

There are national days for referees, teachers, and grandparents. When is National Prognosticators Day?

While you contemplate answers to his mundane trivia, here is what he has to say about Week 7:

Hempfield (5-2, 1-1) at Franklin Regional (4-2, 3-0): The Birdie would have taken Hempfield in a big way if this game had been earlier in the season, but Franklin Regional has shown it is a conference contender, too. The difference will be Hempfield’s play up front. Hempfield, 20-17

Plum (3-4, 1-2) at Penn-Trafford (4-3, 1-2): Penn-Trafford does not lose very often at home. Despite injuries, the Warriors have looked strong at times, especially on defense. Advantage, Warriors. Penn-Trafford, 28-21

Latrobe (4-3, 2-2) at Connellsville (2-5, 1-2): Latrobe’s line play took a step back after a strong start, but the blockers are regaining their form and the Wildcats are looking more balanced. This game is at Connellsville, right? Latrobe, 26-19

Mt. Pleasant (4-3, 1-1) at Belle Vernon (4-2, 2-0): Mt. Pleasant’s best chance is to keep the Leopards’ offense off the field. But moving the ball against their defense doesn’t come easy, either. Belle Vernon, 34-14

Greensburg Salem (3-4, 0-2) at Southmoreland (3-4, 1-1): Pick a Keefer, any Keefer. The Birdie thinks Greensburg Salem’s versatile quarterback will outshine the Scotties’ pass attack. Greensburg Salem, 28-21

Apollo-Ridge (3-4, 1-3) at Yough (2-5, 1-3): Yough simply has not been able to finish drives and score points. The trend will continue against the Vikings. Apollo-Ridge, 20-7

Derry (0-7, 0-4) at Imani Christian (3-4, 1-3): With speed and splash-play potential, Imani Christian will have the Trojans chasing. Imani Christian, 30-18

Serra Catholic (6-1, 4-0) at Ligonier Valley (5-2, 3-1): Too much big-play ability and short fields will allow Serra to jump ahead from the start. Serra Catholic, 42-14

Jeannette (2-5, 2-1) at Greensburg Central Catholic (5-2, 3-0): Homecoming night will be interesting for several transfers now wearing the Greensburg Central Catholic maroon and black. The Centurions will make it a long night for the Jayhawks. GCC, 35-15

Jefferson-Morgan (4-3, 2-2) at Monessen (4-3, 3-1): Monessen will bounce back from last week’s loss to Carmichaels and make it three in a row at home. Monessen, 34-27

North Allegheny (6-1) at Norwin (1-6): Norwin still has bad dreams from its 6A days. North Allegheny will make the Knights toss and turn again. North Allegheny, 49-7

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