While making picket signs, The Birdie makes his A-K Valley Week Zero picks

By: The Birdie
Wednesday, August 24, 2022 | 6:29 PM

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In these volatile times, the Birdie spent the offseason becoming radicalized.

No longer will he stand by on the sidelines and watch the very fabric of our American way of life be threatened.

“Don’t tell me to stick to sports,” our favorite fierce, feathered political activist sneered. “These are life-or-death issues here.”

With that, The Birdie pulled out a crumpled print-out of a triblive.com story and held it in front of his beak, trembling with outrage.

“No justice, no peace,” he said through gritted teeth. “Look at this abomination.”

Raising Cane’s will open first Pittsburgh location in South Fayette, the headline read.

“This. Will. Not. Stand,” Birdie said, coloring between the lines of the picket sign he’s planning to carry to the popular chicken finger restaurant set to open next year. “First, birds should be allowed to pick football games in freedom, without fear of being eaten. Second, chickens don’t have fingers. Third, nothing will be spelled wrong on this sign, unlike those illiterate Chick-Fil-A moron cows.”

As he began a chorus of “Hey, hey, ho, ho, Raising Cane’s has got to go,” The Birdie paused just long enough to make his Week Zero predictions.

• Armstrong at Valley: A visit from star quarterback Cadin Olsen isn’t exactly the most hospitable welcome-back-to-Valley gift for new coach Dave Heavner. Things will look up from here for the Vikings. Armstrong, 34-14

• Burrell at Jeannette: This one could be a barnburner. Last year, the Bucs would have taken the Jayhawks to the woodshed. But Jeannette is starting to rebuild under new coach Tom Paulone, and Burrell suffered heavy graduation losses. Burrell, 15-14

• Indiana at Freeport: This is a good chance for the Yellowjackets to make a statement against a solid Class 4A foe. An impressive showing could help paint them as conference title favorites. Freeport 21-13

• Deer Lakes at Keystone Oaks: The Golden Eagles will provide a stern test for a Lancers team with legitimate playoff aspirations. Keystone Oaks, 27-21

• Kiski Area at Plum: The Mustangs could be a sleeper in the Class 5A Big East Conference. They got better as last season went on and return a good crop of veteran players, including one of the WPIAL’s most dynamic runners in Eryck Moore. The Cavaliers are no slouches, but their graduation losses were greater. Plum, 20-14

• Knoch at Hampton: The Knights’ season-long road trip begins with a visit to the defending conference champs. Hampton, 27-7

• Leechburg at Apollo-Ridge: The Vikings will be a tougher out this season if they can stay healthy, but let the Braylan Lovelace show begin. Leechburg, 41-21

• Springdale at Ligonier Valley: With a new coach and big losses to graduation, the Dynamos will look very different this year. The Rams are a tough team to get started against. Ligonier Valley, 20-10

• Peters Township at Fox Chapel: At the risk of underrating the Foxes, which is something The Birdie did too much of last season, this is a tough opener. Peters Township, 21-13

• University Prep at Highlands: University Prep has the team to trip up the Golden Rams if they stumble out of the gate, but this is a solid Highlands roster. Highlands, 27-13

• Beth-Center at Riverview: The Raiders are improving, but Beth-Center was a Class 2A playoff team last year now dropping to Class A. Beth-Center, 22-12